December 16, 2020

Good Shit to Smoke


I was on my way to work this morning and saw a train-like collection of shit a homeless person was hauling.  His stuff was parked right at the exit off the highway.  My attention wasn't on the homeless person himself but rather, on all that crap.  How is he able to move around with it?  Does he have some motorized scooter-engine hiding inside?  I wouldn't doubt it.  But that's not the worst of it.  

My inner desires for coffee and mini-chocolate donuts had me stop at the 7-Elevan.  So right as I drove into the parking lot I saw another homeless guy pushing a baby-stroller full of shit.  My immediate thoughts?  THAT'S MOTHERHOOD!  Maybe because I'm single and don't have any kids, but pushing a baby-stroller of a shit-producing junior did not seem very appealing.  That's a lot of shit to deal with!  And then when he or she grows up to be a teenager they manage to throw a lot of shit back at you (most likely for all those times I gave my mom shit).  I thought that was bullshit!  It's bad enough I have to sort shit out at work.        

Sorry, but I did not want to be that homeless guy pushing shit around all day and wonder if some other person has better shit than I do, or live in fear that somebody is going to try to steal my shit, or that some shit-talker is giving me shit because I got good shit to smoke.  No thank you.  

I am so grateful that I got my awesome awareness skills from the Navy.  I was a former Military Police Woman.  I joined the Navy awhile ago to get away from my evil Darth Vader Mother.  I got tired of her always being right.  At any rate I think my future goals include adopting an Italian or Sicilian Mafia Family for protection against my evil Darth Vader Mother.