It was a normal day in Watermania Paradise as the boys cleaned up the park. But their nerves were on edge while waiting to meet with Tammy, and they were a little apathetic over their penis’s possible fate. At least, that's what Jack thought when Camilla came up behind him, “Hey Jack, Tammy wants to see you in her office.”
“Thanks, Camilla,” said Jack moping around.
“Are you all right?” she asked. She could see that he was not in the best of moods and was concerned.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Hey, do you want to go out to dinner after work or something? It will be my treat,” said Camilla smiling.
“You mean as friends, right?”
“You can call it a date.”
“Uh, yea, okay,” said Jack. He wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Great! See you then.”
“Thank you, Jesus,” said Jack under his breath, watching Camilla walk away. Then he headed towards Tammy’s office and found Junior waiting for him.
“Come on in, boys and have a seat,” said Tammy through her open door. She scrutinized them carefully, then said, “I hear you boys did a good job the other day at Pirate’s Plunge.”
Jack and Junior looked at each other, puzzled.
“Oh, sorry, Jack, I got your phone and saw all the video clips. You boys did amazing work. I was a little impressed,” she said, smiling.
“How did you get my phone?” asked Jack.
“It was delivered. I have a little insider that works over there.” Tammy took a cell phone out of a little Barbie doll car and threw it to Jack like a baseball, but he didn’t catch it; it fell on the floor behind him. When he got up from his chair and picked it up, Junior jumped in and asked Tammy, “What do you really know about Blackbeard Billy?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, a little intrigued.
“Did you know he used to visit a certain gentleman’s club here in Omaha a few years back?”
“How did you boys find that out?”
Junior felt good at this point, like he had control over the situation, and smiled, “I got some connections.”
“Well, all right, spill it.”
“Seemed he suffered from an impotence problem,” said Jack.
“Now that’s cutting below the belt there, fellas.”
“Yea, but it’s juicy intel,” said Junior.
“Still, I don’t want you boys to be spreading that around. We’re not rumor rats. Anyway, what do you boys think of a little promotion? Can you two turbo twins handle a little 'Tube Patrol' on Lazy River?” asked Tammy, giving them a little wink and a smile.
“Seriously?” asked Jack.
“Fuck yea!” said Junior.
“Camilla, are you out there? These boys need their new Tube Patrol uniforms.”
Camilla jumped through the door like magic and gave Tammy a solute. She then ushered the boys to follow her out of Tammy’s office. Jack and Junior were beaming with pride.
Standing knee-deep in water on the stairs of Lazy River was Jack and Junior decked out in their new Tube Patrol uniforms, almost looking like lifeguards, and handing each water-crazed kid and sun-burned face their unique tube to float on. Nothing could ruin their moment of triumph, feeling stellar about their new promotion. But when Chad “The Beefcake Fab” heard about it, his asshole charisma kicked into high gear, feeling threatened by the new wannabe dynamic duo. He had his eye on the pair and took this very moment to introduce himself using his ear-ringing lifeguard whistle.
Centered right behind Jack and Junior, Chad inhaled deeply and into his whistle...
Jack and Junior almost ran for cover, unsure of the horrific high-pitched whistle blaring through their eardrums. But when they turned around, they discovered a smiling Chad wearing his infamous 80's sunglasses.
“So, I see you two are climbing the corporate lifeguard ladder,” said Chad, “And since I am the head lifeguard in charge of this waterpark, you will obey my every rule. You got that?”
“What rule is that?” asked Jack.
“Don’t get cocky with me, jerk-off.”
“Dude, chill out, he was just asking,” pleaded Junior.
“No wandering off from your duty station, rule number one. Rule number two, if you have to go to the bathroom, use a toilet, not the lazy pool. Your shorts are fabricated with a special dye that changes color if you urinate in them. We do have standards to maintain.”
“Good to know,” said Junior looking down at his shorts.
Chad was gone in a flash, blaring his whistle at a toddler running away from his mother.
“Dude, he’s lying; these shorts are not made with a special dye,” said Jack.
“If you want to break the rule, be my guest,” said Junior smiling.
Jack stood there momentarily, thinking, then said, “I can wait.”
Deep in his security lair, listening to the trio’s tête-à-tête was Moose, skeptical of Chad’s interaction. Something about Chad was not quite right, according to Moose. Why did Chad always have to wear those sunglasses, even indoors? Tammy assured Moose that Chad was just being a model and was attracting attention from his Instagram, so she allowed it. Moose, on the other hand, was suspicious and kept up with his secret surveillance operations of the self-proclaimed Instagram dick-on-a-stick.
Moose reported to Tammy that more waterpark wedgie videos surfaced on Tik Tok, creating even worse PR and low ticket sales. Tammy warned him that if he didn’t catch the perpetrator soon, Moose would be replaced and downgraded to door security. He was sweating balls and examined every possible camera angle with every wedgie stuck in the middle of whatever butt crack they were in, feeling stuck in a butt crack himself.
It was the next day when Tammy found, sitting on her desk, a dingy-painted plaster pirate skull with a black pirate flag sticking out of its head. On the flag, it read, “Cheaters never prosper.”
Camilla thumbed the little flag while Tammy unrolled a piece of parchment paper; it was an invitation from Blackbeard Billy highlighting the lifeguard relay contest in two weeks on the 4th of July.
“What’s it say?” asked Camilla.
“We got two weeks to train the troops,” said Tammy.
“I’ll get Chad to start prepping the team,” said Camilla leaving the office.
“Good thinking.” Tammy looked a little worried as if she wasn’t sure how this year would turn out. But her worry quickly turned to anger as she took the tiny flag out of the skull and broke it in half, changing her focus towards the many customers about to have a fabulous time at Watermania. She walked out of her office and towards the main entrance, noticing Jack and Junior walking through the employee entrance, about to start their shift. She noticed that Junior didn’t have his work shorts on.
“Hey Junior, did you forget something?” pointed Tammy to his shorts.
“Sorry, I don’t know where my shorts went,” explained Junior.
“That’s all right; I’ll get Camilla to loan you a pair,” she said, smiling as she noticed Junior breathe a sigh of relief. That was just the distraction she was looking for, something else to pull her out of her worries. Those boys always did help bring a smile to her face.
Standing knee-deep in water on the stairs of Lazy River were Jack and Junior looking a little bored while handing the same-looking kids and sun-burned faces their typical tube to float on.
“I wonder how long this will last us?” asked Jack.
“It’s only for the summer,” said Junior.
“And then back to looking for another job,” said Jack, disappointed.
“It’ll be better than working for my brother at the shit cannery, that’s for sure!”
“Why do you always gotta be shit-talking behind my back, Junior?” said Ken startling the two boys into awareness, “Not cool, man, not cool.”
Junior looked down at Ken’s shorts and noticed that he was wearing his work shorts.
“Dude, why in the fuck are you wearing my work shorts? I need those!” said Junior getting angry.
“Oh? These are yours? I thought Emma bought these for me,” said Ken as he grabbed a tube out of Jack’s hands and hopped inside it with a smirk on his face.
“Dude, should we tell him about the dye?” whispered Jack to Junior. Junior looked out towards his brother and said, “Naw, he’ll figure it out.”
Moments later, gasps and laughter could be heard from the other side of Lazy River as purple dye streamed through the water. Ken came barreling through on his tube, furious that he was soaked with purple dye. He made a mad dash toward Junior and gave him a giant shove.
“Dude, what did you do to me?” yelled Ken.
“I didn’t do anything; that’s how they come, so we don’t pee in the pool!” yelled Junior back.
Chad raced in the middle to separate the boys from fighting even more, with Jack shielding Junior. It was a chaotic testosterone-filled scene that Chad was determined to get under control, his sunglasses getting knocked off his face during the process.
The chaos and crowd stopped, standing motionless as to what lay before them: Chad “The Beefcake Fab’s” calling card, which Instagram made him famous for, those bright and chunky eighties-styled retro sunglasses lay broken on the ground. Chad was stuck keeping Ken off his little brother so he couldn’t get to his sunglasses in time.
Camilla picked up the sunglasses and discovered a tiny hidden camera.
“Chad, what is this?” asked Camilla.
Chad let go of Ken, who simmered down, “I can explain…”
“Tammy’s office, now,” said Camilla to Chad.
Jack handed Ken a towel to cover himself.
“You two can be really mean sometimes, you know that? I’m really hurt," said Ken to Jack and Junior.
“Look, Ken, we weren't trying to hurt you. You took my work shorts,” explained Junior.
Ken shook his head and looked down at the purple dye leaking down his leg, unsure if he should be mad at himself, “No, I get it; I shouldn’t be peeing in the pool. Guess it’s about time I learned my lesson.”
Junior wasn’t sure what to think as he watched his brother walk away. Did he finally get the upper hand after all these years?
“Dude, I think we’re adulting now,” said Jack.
“Feels kinda good,” said Junior as he handed several screaming kids a tube to float on.
Click here to read the next chapter --->