It’s a tantalizing social media toy that tweens to twenty-year-olds are using today: TikTok. With hot chicks decked out in slut bomb brigades, and mediocre dudes dancing like dicks gone wild, Tik Tok has become America’s number-one social media choice, carefree and without any real restraints. But beware the surmounting Tik Tok tricksters as unsuspecting viewers are caught up in their fancy editing demises, audiences fooled to believe in glorified filtered make-up jobs and karaoke car flashes fueled by two-bit careless comedy wannabees as if they were the real thing.
Jujutsu Jack was addicted to Tik Tok, constantly
scrolling through one-minute dancing hot chicks and this summer season’s waterpark
babes caught on video with buns of steel bikini wedgies. He often imagined himself in one of those
videos, grabbing viewers’ attention from anywhere, and he thought it would be a
great way to meet girls considering his luck in getting a girlfriend was obsolete. Even though the twenty-year-old Jack was from
Jacksonville, Florida, he was built with a Pakistani mighty machismo. His parents wanted to get out of the
money-gobbling hurricane state, so they moved to Omaha, Nebraska, when Jack was
Jack was sitting in a nice shady spot outside the Grassnards Fertilizer Company factory thumbing through Tik Tok videos and waiting for his work break to be over.
On the other
side of the factory and standing next to the central manure loading conveyor
belt was Jack’s best friend, Ford Junior.
They seemed like an unlikely pair of best buds; as soon as Jack started
school and was quickly known for his lousy mixed martial arts acting, Jujutsu Jack
was born and taken under the local wing of two brothers known as Kenmore and
Ford Junior, Kenmore being the oldest. Their mid-western trailer
park mom very cleverly named the two brothers to keep track of how she got
pregnant: on top of a Kenmore washing machine and in the back of a Ford
truck. Junior and Jack started working
as Fertilizer Operations Trainees under Ken, the Cultivation Technician and
Operations Manager of the Grassnards Fertilizer Company.
While Junior watched a truckload of
cow manure driving towards him from the local dairy farm, Ken ran right towards
the truck and climbed up the back to scoop a massive handful of manure,
smelling it like a fresh bouquet of wildflowers. Then he took a chemical sampling kit from his
back pocket and tested the waste. Happy
with the results, Ken yelled down to his little brother to hoist the conveyor
belt behind the truck so they could start unloading the manure for processing.
Junior hated his job and cursed his brother’s commands
under his breath, not moving at the speed his brother hoped for. He was bitter, feeling that he got tricked and that it would be a great job right after high school, that there was no
other option in the career department. He
thought his asshole of a brother just wanted to order him around with a superiority
complex. He did not want to work for his
brother anymore. So, Junior’s tolerance
for taking his brother’s orders was starting to wear thin.
“C’mon ya fuck-stick, we ain’t got all
day!” yelled Ken.
In a careless move, Junior misjudged a
connection and catapulted the conveyor belt into overdrive, spewing cow manure everywhere. Ken was furious, like a testosterone-filled,
red-faced, sweaty madman with a hot June sun beating on his back. But he quickly clamped up his temper and said,
“Ford Junior, if you don’t start paying attention and having a little pride in
your job, then you’ll never have a stable career. How many times do I have to tell you? You need to start being serious.”
Junior shook his head, not wanting to
believe his older brother.
“You will get this shit inside the
factory, and you can do it yourself.”
“Whatever, Ken fuck-skin,” said Junior
mumbling to himself.
“What did you call me?”
Surprised Ken heard him, Junior
blurted, “I said fuck you! I’m not doing
this by myself.”
Jujutsu Jack, wearing a black UFC
headband, was driving a forklift around the factory headed in the brother’s
direction. He wasn’t aware of the fight
brewing ahead at first; he was too busy watching hot chicks on Tik Tok through
his cell phone attached to the dash of the forklift. But when he saw Ken tackle Junior, smashing
his face in the manure, he thought his best friend would die at the hands of
his maniac brother. Jack jumped out of
his forklift (still on the move) and attempted to drop-kick Ken in the head as
imagined by his MMA meta-verse wishes.
However, as soon as Jack got to Ken, Ken clutched Jack by the scruff of
his shirt and made Jack eat shit, just like his best friend.
“You two pukes ain’t got nothing on
me!” scoffed Ken.
Satisfied by his mighty strength, Ken let go
of the two heads squirming in his hands and said to Junior, “Looks like your Jujutsu
Jack-fest has arrived right on time to help you clean up this mess.”
Jack’s driverless forklift ran into
the side of the dairy truck and caused a massive explosion, creating a mushroom
cloud of cow poop that soon rained down over all the boys. Unfortunately, Jack and Junior spent the rest
of their day cleaning up the massive poop fest.