May 1, 2023

The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 1


It’s a tantalizing social media toy that tweens to twenty-year-olds are using today: TikTok.  With hot chicks decked out in slut bomb brigades, and mediocre dudes dancing like dicks gone wild, Tik Tok has become America’s number-one social media choice, carefree and without any real restraints.  But beware the surmounting Tik Tok tricksters as unsuspecting viewers are caught up in their fancy editing demises, audiences fooled to believe in glorified filtered make-up jobs and karaoke car flashes fueled by two-bit careless comedy wannabees as if they were the real thing.

Jujutsu Jack was addicted to Tik Tok, constantly scrolling through one-minute dancing hot chicks and this summer season’s waterpark babes caught on video with buns of steel bikini wedgies.  He often imagined himself in one of those videos, grabbing viewers’ attention from anywhere, and he thought it would be a great way to meet girls considering his luck in getting a girlfriend was obsolete.  Even though the twenty-year-old Jack was from Jacksonville, Florida, he was built with a Pakistani mighty machismo.  His parents wanted to get out of the money-gobbling hurricane state, so they moved to Omaha, Nebraska, when Jack was eleven-years-old.    

Jack was sitting in a nice shady spot outside the Grassnards Fertilizer Company factory thumbing through Tik Tok videos and waiting for his work break to be over.      

                On the other side of the factory and standing next to the central manure loading conveyor belt was Jack’s best friend, Ford Junior.  They seemed like an unlikely pair of best buds; as soon as Jack started school and was quickly known for his lousy mixed martial arts acting, Jujutsu Jack was born and taken under the local wing of two brothers known as Kenmore and Ford Junior, Kenmore being the oldest.  Their mid-western trailer park mom very cleverly named the two brothers to keep track of how she got pregnant: on top of a Kenmore washing machine and in the back of a Ford truck.  Junior and Jack started working as Fertilizer Operations Trainees under Ken, the Cultivation Technician and Operations Manager of the Grassnards Fertilizer Company. 

While Junior watched a truckload of cow manure driving towards him from the local dairy farm, Ken ran right towards the truck and climbed up the back to scoop a massive handful of manure, smelling it like a fresh bouquet of wildflowers.  Then he took a chemical sampling kit from his back pocket and tested the waste.  Happy with the results, Ken yelled down to his little brother to hoist the conveyor belt behind the truck so they could start unloading the manure for processing. 

                Junior hated his job and cursed his brother’s commands under his breath, not moving at the speed his brother hoped for.  He was bitter, feeling that he got tricked and that it would be a great job right after high school, that there was no other option in the career department.  He thought his asshole of a brother just wanted to order him around with a superiority complex.  He did not want to work for his brother anymore.  So, Junior’s tolerance for taking his brother’s orders was starting to wear thin. 

“C’mon ya fuck-stick, we ain’t got all day!” yelled Ken.   

In a careless move, Junior misjudged a connection and catapulted the conveyor belt into overdrive, spewing cow manure everywhere.  Ken was furious, like a testosterone-filled, red-faced, sweaty madman with a hot June sun beating on his back.  But he quickly clamped up his temper and said, “Ford Junior, if you don’t start paying attention and having a little pride in your job, then you’ll never have a stable career.  How many times do I have to tell you?  You need to start being serious.” 

Junior shook his head, not wanting to believe his older brother.

“You will get this shit inside the factory, and you can do it yourself.” 

“Whatever, Ken fuck-skin,” said Junior mumbling to himself.

“What did you call me?”

Surprised Ken heard him, Junior blurted, “I said fuck you!  I’m not doing this by myself.”  

Jujutsu Jack, wearing a black UFC headband, was driving a forklift around the factory headed in the brother’s direction.  He wasn’t aware of the fight brewing ahead at first; he was too busy watching hot chicks on Tik Tok through his cell phone attached to the dash of the forklift.  But when he saw Ken tackle Junior, smashing his face in the manure, he thought his best friend would die at the hands of his maniac brother.  Jack jumped out of his forklift (still on the move) and attempted to drop-kick Ken in the head as imagined by his MMA meta-verse wishes.  However, as soon as Jack got to Ken, Ken clutched Jack by the scruff of his shirt and made Jack eat shit, just like his best friend. 

“You two pukes ain’t got nothing on me!” scoffed Ken.

 Satisfied by his mighty strength, Ken let go of the two heads squirming in his hands and said to Junior, “Looks like your Jujutsu Jack-fest has arrived right on time to help you clean up this mess.”


Jack’s driverless forklift ran into the side of the dairy truck and caused a massive explosion, creating a mushroom cloud of cow poop that soon rained down over all the boys.  Unfortunately, Jack and Junior spent the rest of their day cleaning up the massive poop fest.

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