The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 5

 

            Every fourth of July for the past ten years, Watermania and Pirate’s Plunge have a friendly contest for public relations and marketing bragging rights; it's a lifeguard team relay race.  Watermania hosted last year’s event, so it was Pirate’s Plunge's turn to host this summer’s event.  Tammy said Pirate’s Plunge was cheating, and she vowed to expose Blackbeard Billy and his dirty band for their corruption.  Blackbeard Billy was the mascot and general manager.  Tammy hadn’t been able to surface any evidence proving Blackbeard Billy was cheating.  But to make matters worse, a colossal Pirate’s Plunge billboard sign was erected just on the outskirts of Omaha that featured Blackbeard Billy’s laughing face. 

“Tammy’s worried it could hurt Watermania’s profit margin,”  Jack told Junior while each one was lying in their own bed in their shared bedroom.         

“No shit?” asked Junior.

“That’s what Camilla said.”

“Shit is deep.”

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

“Guys, I have something to show you,” said Emma from outside the door.

“What is it?” asked Junior.

Emma walked into the bedroom and showed them a comedic music video clip on Tik Tok of Jack with a massive wedgie.  It was apparent that Jack did not know someone was recording him.

“Holy Shit!” said Jack, taking Emma’s phone and inspecting the video as it looped repeatedly.

“It’s already got 12,000 views!” said Junior.

“You guys need to report this,” said Emma.

“Fuck, my life is ruined.  How am I going to get laid now?”

“Seriously?” asked Emma

“Wait, what? I’m in it too?” Junior recognized his backside in another tricky Tik Tok music clip.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say someone has it out for you two,” said Emma.

“Fuck Watermania,” said Jack.

“Dude, we need to tell Tammy about this,” said Junior.

“She ain’t gonna do shit!”

“What if it’s those Pirates?”

“Who the hell is following us around and recording our backside whenever we have a wedgie?” asked Jack.

“Don’t you guys have security or something at the park?” asked Emma.

“The Moose!” said Junior.

“Fuck, I don’t want to deal with that guy,” said Jack wallowing in his self-pity.

“Well, okay, you boys can take it from here,” said Emma making her departure.

“C’mon, bro, it ain’t right what they’re doing to us,” explained Junior.

“Fine,” said a muffled Jack hiding his head under a pillow, “My future as a forty-year-old virgin is becoming more obvious now.”

“Dude, we are going to figure this out, don’t you worry,” said Junior taking charge, ready to step up to the plate.  He knew his best friend needed him. 

When Jack and Junior showed Tammy the Tik Tok videos the next day, she nodded as if she already saw them, “Sorry about that, guys.  It looks like you two have been caught in somebody’s twisted and sadistic scheme.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?” asked Junior

“Nothing,” replied Tammy.

“Nothing?  Oh my god, my life is ruined,” said Jack.

“We got no proof who is responsible.  Just a handful of made-up Tik Tokers.  They could all belong to the same guy.  We don’t know who it is just yet,” said Tammy.

“What if it’s Blackbeard Billy and his Pirates?” asked Junior.

“Billy?  Might.”

“What can you tell us about Billy, Tammy?” asked Jack.

“Well, I don’t know.  How loyal are you?  Can I trust you?”

Jack and Junior were getting excited as if Tammy was about to tell them something juicy.    

“Why don’t you boys take the day off tomorrow and pay Pirate’s Plunge a little visit?  See if you can find out anything.  Will you boys do that for me?  And it will be my treat,” said Tammy smiling.

“You mean spy on Pirate’s Plunge?” asked Jack.

“We can do that,” said Junior.

“And, you can take as many video clips as you want of their park; you don’t work for them,” said Tammy. 

“Doesn’t sound that hard,” said Jack. 

“Have fun, boys,” said Tammy leaving them to get back to work.

“YES!  This is, like, 007 shit!” Junior was even more excited about going on a secret mission.     

“Or 21-Jump Street,” said Jack.

“We got to have, like, some kind of plan.”

“Plan?  Why don’t we just go have some fun?” asked Jack.

“We need a cover.”

“Let’s take Emma and the baby.”

“Good thinking.  They would never suspect a family is infiltrating Pirate’s Plunge.”

“Sure,” said Jack apprehensively.  He was a little more reserved than Junior about their secret trip and wasn’t sure what to expect.  He knew he had to be on his guard if they visited the enemy’s territory. 

 Back at home, Emma, Ken, and Luna were about to eat dinner when Jack and Junior walked through the front door.  Ken was still fuming over the mess they had created at the factory but didn’t want to make a scene in front of Emma and Luna.

“I hear you boys got jobs at the waterpark.  How’s that going?” asked Ken.  When the boys sat at the table, Jack got an eye smack of baby food, followed by Luna chuckling. 

“Luna, stop that,” said Emma.

“It’s going good, Ken,” said Junior. 

“Well, I hate to admit it, but I’m kinda proud of you, Junior; you found a job all by yourself, considering Jujutsu Jerk-off here,” said Ken.  A spoonful of baby food hit Junior on his cheek.

“Dude, why do you have to be hard on us?” asked Junior.

“It seems you don’t get it, so let me explain it to you, little brother: While our parents are banging it out in Vegas as empty nesters, my job here has become to push you down so hard and so low, and make you feel like slimy explosive dogshit coming out of the crack of a whore’s ass, that one day you might just wake up to do something with your pathetic piss-ant so-called life, that you are going to give that prostitute called Passion the blow-job she deserves, to get the fuck out and show me a thing or two, that you can and will be somebody other than a trailer-park resident.  Otherwise, I would be a shitty brother just letting you be complacent and letting you turn into some homeless drug addict giving Jujutsu Joker here a blow job for money.”

“I think I get it,” said Junior.

“Well, it’s about dam time,” said Ken, stuffing food in his face.

“Ask her, dude,” said Jack to Junior under his breath.

“Ask what?” asked Ken.

“We were wondering if Emma and Luna would like to go to Pirate’s Plunge with us tomorrow?” asked Junior, wiping food off his face.

“Pirate’s Plunge?  Isn’t that in Des Moines?” asked Emma.

“A little corporate spy game?  I get it.  Why don’t we all go tomorrow?  I could use a little family bonding,” said Ken.

“I love it when you get all, family gorilla man,” said Emma jumping in Ken’s lap.

“I knew you would,” said Ken to Emma, preparing for a lap dance. 

Junior and Jack were getting uncomfortable with the scene unfolding and got up to leave the table.

“Dude, we need to hurry and find another place to live,” said Jack.

“No shit,” said Junior.

“HEY!  Can one of you boys put some music on?” yelled Ken as they walked away.  Luna kept throwing food at the boys and giggled in the process. 

 

Pirate’s Plunge Waterpark was designed to look like the ultimate pirate party palace with twisty and curvy black water slides, heavily decorated with numerous pirate-themed plaster statues, skull and crossbones motifs, and fake treasures galore enticing every customer about to walk through its entrance.  Ken led the way from the parking lot holding Luna in his arms, followed by Emma in her string bikini.  Jack and Junior lingered behind them as if they were embarrassed to be seen, but Jack quickly remembered to get his cell phone and recorded video shots of the front entrance while Junior pointing out the surveillance cameras. 

“Dude, do a trick or something,” said Jack.

“What?” asked Junior.

“Smoke screen, dude, can’t make it look so obvious.”

Junior was just about to do a cartwheel when Ken jumped in and put him in a headlock for the video shot Jack was taking, “Did you get that, Jack?  You should put that on Tik Tok,” laughed Ken.

Emma waved to all of them from the ticket counter and signaled that it was time to go inside the park, the entrance was shaped in the form of a giant skull with its mouth open.  As each patron went through the white skeletal jaws, they handed a hot blond babe ticket-taker in a pirate costume their ticket.  Jack and Junior looked unhappy, especially compared to Ken and Emma.  But they managed to force a smile and got through the pirate jaws of plunder.  

Junior noticed the hot blond ticket-taker from behind and pointed her to Jack, he liked what he saw.  But, as they inched closer to the babe, Jack noticed her facial hair, Adam’s apple, and manly frame with the name tag that said, “Barbie.”  He motioned to Junior to take another look.  When Junior handed the blond babe his ticket, he realized his folly and dreaded facing Jack at that point, not wanting to say anything. 

“Heeeeey, th’ailor boys, ready to ride in my pirate ship?” asked Barbie in a masculine voice.  It was apparent that she liked Junior.

“He is,” said Jack pushing on Junior.

“Shut up, bro,” stammered Junior.

“Go get your cherry popped, bro; it’s a new age in America these days,”

“Shut up, Jack!”

“If you want to experiment, go for it, just not with me,” said Jack laughing.

Junior was getting angry and stormed off away from Jack.

“Awww, c’mon, Junior,” Jack called after him and wanted to explain it was a joke.  But he hurt Junior’s feelings and decided not to press the issue. 

“See you boys around,” said Barbie watching them walk away. 

Standing nearby was a cheerfully cute Asian mermaid.  But when she saw Jack and Junior, her smile turned to disgust as if she knew them from somewhere.  She quickly moved towards a sign that said “security” on it and followed the direction it pointed towards. 

 Ken was like a kid in a candy store, rushing through lines for the water slides, barreling down on air tubes, and causing a commotion whenever the line moved a little too slow.  It was embarrassing for Junior and Jack to want to be around him.  So, they would ditch him in line and move to another water slide on the other side of the park while taking video snippets of the park and its pirate employees under the guise of a Tik Tok dance-off.  However, ditching Ken didn’t last for long because Jack and Junior would always cross paths with Ken again, down at the other end of some water slide with Ken photo-bombing their Tik Tok scene.  

“Dude, why is your brother so annoying?  He’s going to blow our cover,” said Jack.

“I’ll go talk to Emma,” said Junior.

“Meet me at the snack bar when you’re done; I need to prevent myself from getting sunstroke,” said Jack.

While Jack found a shady spot by the snack bar, Junior made his way toward the kiddy pools but was suddenly stopped by a cute little Asian mermaid.  She tripped on her costume tail and fell right in front of Junior.  Junior could not help but catch the cute mermaid in his arms. 

“Oh, my gawwwd, I can’t believe you caught me!” she said.

“Are you all right?” asked Junior.

“Do you know what they do here when you catch a mermaid?” she asked, smiling.

“No.  What?”

“You will now be handsomely rewarded.”

“With what, a kiss?” asked Junior getting excited.

“Well, it’s a secret.  And you must carry me all the way there,” she said.

“Just show me the way,” said an eager Junior, unaware of the trick that was being played.  So, he heaved the cute mermaid into his arms and disappeared behind a water mist, pirate music, constructed palm trees, and blue-tube waterslides.    

Jack was getting impatient when he noticed that too much time had passed without Junior and was annoyed that he might have been ditched.  He found Emma with Luna and saw Ken busy sliding down the water slides, but still no Junior.  “Where the hell did he go?” thought Jack, searching all over.  He thought he would lose his mind when out of nowhere, a cute little Asian mermaid tripped on her costume tail right in front of him.  He couldn’t help but catch her in his arms. 

“Oh, my gawwwd, I can’t believe you caught me!” she said.

“Are you okay?” asked Jack.

“I think so.  Hey, do you know what they do around here when you rescue a mermaid?” she asked, smiling.

“No.  What?”

“You will now be handsomely rewarded,” she said.

“Not right now; I need to find my buddy,” said Jack. 

Looking disappointed, she said, “Fine.  But can you at least carry me to the nurse’s station?”

Jack sighed, annoyed as if he didn’t want to help her, but he finally gave in, “Where is it?”

After she pointed to a clearing behind some water mist and constructed palm trees, Jack picked up the little mermaid and disappeared from everyone’s site.     

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