The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 7

It was a normal day in Watermania Paradise as the boys cleaned up the park.  But their nerves were on edge while waiting to meet with Tammy, and they were a little apathetic over their penis’s possible fate.  At least, that's what Jack thought when Camilla came up behind him, “Hey Jack, Tammy wants to see you in her office.”

                “Thanks, Camilla,” said Jack moping around.

                “Are you all right?” she asked.  She could see that he was not in the best of moods and was concerned. 

                “I’ll be fine.”

                “Hey, do you want to go out to dinner after work or something?  It will be my treat,” said Camilla smiling.

                “You mean as friends, right?”

                “You can call it a date.”

                “Uh, yea, okay,” said Jack.  He wasn’t sure how to respond. 

                “Great!  See you then.” 

                “Thank you, Jesus,” said Jack under his breath, watching Camilla walk away.  Then he headed towards Tammy’s office and found Junior waiting for him. 

                “Come on in, boys and have a seat,” said Tammy through her open door.  She scrutinized them carefully, then said, “I hear you boys did a good job the other day at Pirate’s Plunge.”

                Jack and Junior looked at each other, puzzled. 

                “Oh, sorry, Jack, I got your phone and saw all the video clips.  You boys did amazing work.  I was a little impressed,” she said, smiling.

                “How did you get my phone?” asked Jack.

                “It was delivered.  I have a little insider that works over there.”  Tammy took a cell phone out of a little Barbie doll car and threw it to Jack like a baseball, but he didn’t catch it; it fell on the floor behind him.  When he got up from his chair and picked it up, Junior jumped in and asked Tammy, “What do you really know about Blackbeard Billy?”

                “What do you mean?” she asked, a little intrigued.

                “Did you know he used to visit a certain gentleman’s club here in Omaha a few years back?”

                “How did you boys find that out?”

                Junior felt good at this point, like he had control over the situation, and smiled, “I got some connections.”

                “Well, all right, spill it.”

                “Seemed he suffered from an impotence problem,” said Jack.

                “Now that’s cutting below the belt there, fellas.”

                “Yea, but it’s juicy intel,” said Junior. 

                “Still, I don’t want you boys to be spreading that around.  We’re not rumor rats.  Anyway, what do you boys think of a little promotion?  Can you two turbo twins handle a little 'Tube Patrol' on Lazy River?” asked Tammy, giving them a little wink and a smile.

                “Seriously?” asked Jack.

                “Fuck yea!” said Junior.

                “Camilla, are you out there?  These boys need their new Tube Patrol uniforms.” 

                Camilla jumped through the door like magic and gave Tammy a solute.  She then ushered the boys to follow her out of Tammy’s office.  Jack and Junior were beaming with pride.  

                Standing knee-deep in water on the stairs of Lazy River was Jack and Junior decked out in their new Tube Patrol uniforms, almost looking like lifeguards, and handing each water-crazed kid and sun-burned face their unique tube to float on.  Nothing could ruin their moment of triumph, feeling stellar about their new promotion.  But when Chad “The Beefcake Fab” heard about it, his asshole charisma kicked into high gear, feeling threatened by the new wannabe dynamic duo.  He had his eye on the pair and took this very moment to introduce himself using his ear-ringing lifeguard whistle.  

Centered right behind Jack and Junior, Chad inhaled deeply and into his whistle...    

                TWEEEEEEEEET!

                Jack and Junior almost ran for cover, unsure of the horrific high-pitched whistle blaring through their eardrums.  But when they turned around, they discovered a smiling Chad wearing his infamous 80's sunglasses. 

                “So, I see you two are climbing the corporate lifeguard ladder,” said Chad, “And since I am the head lifeguard in charge of this waterpark, you will obey my every rule.  You got that?”   

                “What rule is that?” asked Jack.

                “Don’t get cocky with me, jerk-off.”

                “Dude, chill out, he was just asking,” pleaded Junior.

                “No wandering off from your duty station, rule number one.  Rule number two, if you have to go to the bathroom, use a toilet, not the lazy pool.  Your shorts are fabricated with a special dye that changes color if you urinate in them.  We do have standards to maintain.”

                “Good to know,” said Junior looking down at his shorts. 

                Chad was gone in a flash, blaring his whistle at a toddler running away from his mother.   

                “Dude, he’s lying; these shorts are not made with a special dye,” said Jack. 

                “If you want to break the rule, be my guest,” said Junior smiling.

                Jack stood there momentarily, thinking, then said, “I can wait.”

Deep in his security lair, listening to the trio’s tête-à-tête was Moose, skeptical of Chad’s interaction.  Something about Chad was not quite right, according to Moose.  Why did Chad always have to wear those sunglasses, even indoors?  Tammy assured Moose that Chad was just being a model and was attracting attention from his Instagram, so she allowed it.  Moose, on the other hand, was suspicious and kept up with his secret surveillance operations of the self-proclaimed Instagram dick-on-a-stick.    

Moose reported to Tammy that more waterpark wedgie videos surfaced on Tik Tok, creating even worse PR and low ticket sales.  Tammy warned him that if he didn’t catch the perpetrator soon, Moose would be replaced and downgraded to door security.  He was sweating balls and examined every possible camera angle with every wedgie stuck in the middle of whatever butt crack they were in, feeling stuck in a butt crack himself.     

It was the next day when Tammy found, sitting on her desk, a dingy-painted plaster pirate skull with a black pirate flag sticking out of its head.  On the flag, it read, “Cheaters never prosper.”

Camilla thumbed the little flag while Tammy unrolled a piece of parchment paper; it was an invitation from Blackbeard Billy highlighting the lifeguard relay contest in two weeks on the 4^th of July. 

“What’s it say?” asked Camilla.

“We got two weeks to train the troops,” said Tammy.

“I’ll get Chad to start prepping the team,” said Camilla leaving the office.

“Good thinking.”  Tammy looked a little worried as if she wasn’t sure how this year would turn out.  But her worry quickly turned to anger as she took the tiny flag out of the skull and broke it in half, changing her focus towards the many customers about to have a fabulous time at Watermania.  She walked out of her office and towards the main entrance, noticing Jack and Junior walking through the employee entrance, about to start their shift.  She noticed that Junior didn’t have his work shorts on.

“Hey Junior, did you forget something?” pointed Tammy to his shorts.

“Sorry, I don’t know where my shorts went,” explained Junior.

“That’s all right; I’ll get Camilla to loan you a pair,” she said, smiling as she noticed Junior breathe a sigh of relief.  That was just the distraction she was looking for, something else to pull her out of her worries.  Those boys always did help bring a smile to her face.

Standing knee-deep in water on the stairs of Lazy River were Jack and Junior looking a little bored while handing the same-looking kids and sun-burned faces their typical tube to float on. 

“I wonder how long this will last us?” asked Jack.

“It’s only for the summer,” said Junior.

“And then back to looking for another job,” said Jack, disappointed.

“It’ll be better than working for my brother at the shit cannery, that’s for sure!”

“Why do you always gotta be shit-talking behind my back, Junior?” said Ken startling the two boys into awareness, “Not cool, man, not cool.”

Junior looked down at Ken’s shorts and noticed that he was wearing his work shorts.

“Dude, why in the fuck are you wearing my work shorts?  I need those!” said Junior getting angry.

“Oh?  These are yours?  I thought Emma bought these for me,” said Ken as he grabbed a tube out of Jack’s hands and hopped inside it with a smirk on his face. 

“Dude, should we tell him about the dye?” whispered Jack to Junior.  Junior looked out towards his brother and said, “Naw, he’ll figure it out.”

Moments later, gasps and laughter could be heard from the other side of Lazy River as purple dye streamed through the water.  Ken came barreling through on his tube, furious that he was soaked with purple dye.  He made a mad dash toward Junior and gave him a giant shove.

“Dude, what did you do to me?” yelled Ken.

“I didn’t do anything; that’s how they come, so we don’t pee in the pool!” yelled Junior back.

Chad raced in the middle to separate the boys from fighting even more, with Jack shielding Junior.  It was a chaotic testosterone-filled scene that Chad was determined to get under control, his sunglasses getting knocked off his face during the process.   

CRACK!

The chaos and crowd stopped, standing motionless as to what lay before them: Chad “The Beefcake Fab’s” calling card, which Instagram made him famous for, those bright and chunky eighties-styled retro sunglasses lay broken on the ground.  Chad was stuck keeping Ken off his little brother so he couldn’t get to his sunglasses in time.  

Camilla picked up the sunglasses and discovered a tiny hidden camera. 

“Chad, what is this?” asked Camilla.

  Chad let go of Ken, who simmered down, “I can explain…”

“Tammy’s office, now,” said Camilla to Chad.

Jack handed Ken a towel to cover himself. 

“You two can be really mean sometimes, you know that?  I’m really hurt," said Ken to Jack and Junior.

“Look, Ken, we weren't trying to hurt you. You took my work shorts,” explained Junior. 

Ken shook his head and looked down at the purple dye leaking down his leg, unsure if he should be mad at himself, “No, I get it; I shouldn’t be peeing in the pool.  Guess it’s about time I learned my lesson.” 

Junior wasn’t sure what to think as he watched his brother walk away.   Did he finally get the upper hand after all these years? 

“Dude, I think we’re adulting now,” said Jack.

“Feels kinda good,” said Junior as he handed several screaming kids a tube to float on. 

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The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 6

Ford Junior found himself behind pirate bars as a prisoner in a replica of Disney’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” log ride.  But it was more like a security surveillance room where he noticed several tv panels displaying camera views of the waterpark.  He felt a throbbing pain coming from a huge massive knot on his head and remembered that mermaid harpe tricking him into a dark corner and then getting jumped by horribly costumed pirates.  It wasn’t long before those same pirates dropped his buddy Jack in the prison cell with him.

“Well, well, well… if it isn’t the Waterpark Wedgie twins from Watermania.  Catch any good wedgies lately?” laughed Blackbeard Billy with his twin Asian mermaids standing on either side of him as if they were his bodyguards, the same cute mermaids that tricked Jack and Junior.           

“Jack, wake up!” said Junior pushing on an unconscious Jack.

“You boys have been the perfect PR pussy pawns any competitor could have hoped for,” smiled Blackbeard Billy amusingly.  One of the mermaids handed him Jack’s cell phone and started watching the video clips of his own water park.

“Dude, you can’t hold us hostage like this,” said Junior angrily.

“For catching two corporate spies?  Yes, I can,” said Billy. 

Jack was slowly coming to and felt his head throb.  He started to mumble, “Dude, herpes, the herpes are after us.”

Junior helped his friend sit up, “Bro, that’s Harpe, Greek mythology.”

“Herpes, harpies, sirens, mermaids, what’s the difference?  Where are we, dude?” asked Jack.

With a remote control, Blackbeard Billy switched the views on the tv panels so that they played Tik Tok videos.  The mermaid twins started to laugh at what they were watching.  When Jack and Junior heard the girls laugh, they looked over to see their embarrassing Tik Tok videos of them in their park uniforms caught in the crack of their asses.  

“I bet Tammy is having a field day with this crap,” laughed Billy.  “And I can’t believe she gave you two a job after getting fired from a manure factory.  She must have felt sorry for you.”

“Dude, did you just graduate from the alien asshole academy last year or what?” asked Junior.

“Bro, that’s sci-fi,” said Jack correcting him.

“I have a right to be an asshole, especially when I find two corporate spies helping a cheater trying to get away with more murder!  Well, cheating whores never prosper, and I’ll be dammed if I allow Tammy to continue her cheating ways.  I understand that you two boys don’t know much about Tammy.  So, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  Tammy, your HR manager of Watermania, not only was cheating and winning the medley relay races almost every year until recently, but she also cheated and stole my fiancé. I will NEVER forgive her for that!” As he told his story, Billy’s eyes started to fill up with tears.  He had a picture of his fiancé sitting nearby, picked it up, and looked at it.  It was the same blond Lifeguard that now worked at Watermania. 

“You’re lying, dude.  Tammy said you’re the one that’s cheating,” said Junior.

“Oh really?  Then what do you call this?” Billy pressed a button on his remote control that switched the tv monitor’s view.  It showed Tammy paying money to a pirate team member with a bandaged ankle.

When Jack and Junior realized what they were watching, their eyes grew big, ‘Oh shit!’

“I have a right to avenge my honor for what she’s done.  And now I have caught her red-handed.  The police will be here shortly to take you two to jail,” said Billy, leaving with his mermaids. 

Jack and Junior didn’t know what to think at that moment.  Tammy, their manager and work savior, a cheater?  What did they get themselves into?  All they wanted was a job.  Now they were caught in a baffling and backward battle between dueling waterparks. 

“We’re heading down shit creek once again, bro,” said Jack.

“Don’t say that,” said Junior.

“Why not?”

“Blackbeard isn’t our boss, and we haven’t been shit-canned,”

“Not yet.”

“Dude, why do you have to be such a downer?” asked Junior.

“Have you looked in the mirror lately?  We’re stuck in the mud again, and no one can help us.  We have no control over our own lives.”     

“Who are you?” asked Junior.

“What do you mean, who am I?”

“No balls, dude.  You are not the Jujutsu Jack I knew growing up.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Jujutsu Jack had big dreams and a big imagination.  He didn’t care who was watching.  And he wouldn’t give up on himself either.  So, who are you, dude?”

“Maybe I’m being more realistic?”

“You know what, Jack?  I think you’re scared, just like me.”

Jack was quiet for a moment and then he said, “I don’t want to go down like this.”

“So, let’s take our balls back, Jack.  Let’s man up and fight our way out of this.  Where is that Jujutsu Jackknife?” asked Junior. 

After contemplating their sappy scenario, Jack imagined himself jumping whoever was the first to unlock their jail cell in a sneak MMA attack.  Now was the time to grow a big giant pair of gonads. 

 

Hours passed without Jack and Junior, and Emma was worried about them.  Where did they run off to?  Ken wore himself out and dozed off under a beach umbrella, and Luna was decorating her snoring dad with colorful fingerpaints. 

                “Ken, where are the boys?” asked Emma trying to push Ken awake.

                “Probably out playing that corporate spy game; they’ll be back soon,” said Ken, barely awake, then he went back to sleep. 

                “Shit,” said Emma.  She had forgotten the dinner conversation entirely, considering she got caught up in giving her husband a lap dance.  Disappointed by her one-track mind, she shook her head and decided to look for the boys independently.  She attached an ankle leash to Luna and the other end to Ken’s arm, ensuring that Luna could not run away.  She was sure to track those boys down so they could all leave together and return home.  So off she went on an all too typical man-hunt and paid an old friend a surprise visit.      

                It wasn’t long before Emma found Blackbeard Billy taking snapshots with happy park fans.  Being the mascot for his waterpark helped to keep his mood up in high spirits.  Emma was next in line and prepped herself for that perfect selfie pose.

                “Hey, my little Willie Billy, remember me?” asked Emma when Billy placed his arm around her shoulders for the photo opp.  But his face froze in fear, the memory of that nickname formed a dark cloud in his mind.  He looked at Emma with more sincerity and then realized how he possibly could have known her.

                “It’s been a few years.  How ya doing?” she asked.

                “I’m sorry, I seem to have lost my memory.  Where was it that we met?” he asked her back.

                “Well, I’ll give you a little hint: you used to drive all the way to Omaha to visit our little ‘night’ club.  You were one of my best customers,” said Emma with a smirk.

                Billy laughed nervously as if he had just heard a joke, then ushered Emma out of hearing distance so they could talk privately.

                “All right, little girl, you have my attention.  Is it money you want?  Food?  Birth control?  What is it?  I don’t have much.” 

                “Calm down there, bearded banana blister, I don’t want anything from you.  I do, however, need help in locating two twenty-year-olds that may be lost in your waterpark.”

                “Have you looked around the park recently?  We got twenty-somethings all over this park.  Finding just two is like finding a couple of needles in a haystack.”

                Emma showed him the Tik Tok video of Jack and Junior, “You sure you haven’t seen these two?  I mean, I know what kind of surveillance you have here.”  She inched her way closer to his body and pushed her breasts onto his arm.  Her mouth got really close to his ear, and she said in a soft, sweet, seductive voice, “You couldn’t help but confess your old dirty construction secrets when I was right in between your legs, rubbing your thighs, massaging your backside.”

                Billy succumbed to her seductions and replied, “Give me ten minutes; I’ll have them meet you outside the front entrance.”

                Emma smiled, kissed him on the cheek then said, “You’re the best, my little Willie Billy.”

                After she left, Billy wiped his forehead beading with sweat and made his way to release his prisoners.     

                Jack was inspecting their pirate jail cell’s construction and wondered if it was really locked or made to look real.  He poked at the wall and felt only cardboard.  Then he kicked it and was surprised that his foot went right through it. 

                “This shit was fake the whole time?” asked Jack.

                “Dude, try the door,” said Junior.

                Jack kicked at the door and broke it open.  But when they rushed out of their fake prison, Blackbeard Billy stepped in front of their path.  Jack was ready to attack.

                “It’s okay. You’re free to go,” said Billy. 

                “You mean you’re not turning us in to the police?” asked Jack.

                “You two are banned from ever walking into this waterpark again!  Do you hear me?  Now get out of here.  You got people waiting for you outside the front entrance.”  Billy felt a little defeated but relieved as the boys rushed out.     

                “Dude, your Jujutsu Jackknife worked!” said Junior as they ran out the front entrance to see Ken, Emma, and Luna waiting in the car. 

                It wasn’t long before they passed by the highway sign which read, “Welcome to Omaha,” in the setting sun. 

Now that Jack and Junior were safely back home, it was time to have a beer while sitting by a fire lit in their backyard pit so they could process the day they just had.  The boys were silent while gazing at the soft orange timbers of the fire, slowly sipping on their beers.   

                “I don’t buy it,” said Jack.

                “Buy what?” asked Junior.

                “There’s no way he would let us go that easily.”

                “Bro, who cares?  We were about to bust out anyways.”

                “Fuck, Billy still has my phone.  What are we going to tell Tammy?” asked Jack.

                “I don’t think we should say anything; we need to be careful about this,” said Junior.

                “Yea, but we can’t go back to work empty-handed.”

                “Tell her you lost it.”

                “You boys got yourselves in a whole heap of trouble there,” said Emma sitting by the fire with a can of beer.

                “Can it be any more obvious?” asked Junior sarcastically.

                “You gotta be careful about Billy; he’s really competitive,” said Emma.

                “How do you know Billy?” asked Jack.

                “It was before my shotgun wedding with Ken; Billy was one of our little club’s high-paying customers.”

                “You and Billy?” asked Junior.

                “Don’t tell your brother.  It was from a past life.”

                “It was you, wasn’t it?” asked Jack.

                “What?” asked Junior.

                “Emma was the one that bailed us out.  He let us go because of her.”

                Emma shot-gunned her beer and said, “Maybe.  But you guys got some ammo now.  You gotta be careful with whom you’re dealing with, and one of them happens to be your boss.”

                “Yea, no shit,” said Jack agreeing with Emma. 

                “But don’t leave her in the dark.  You gotta give her something juicy, something about Billy.  I know you boys won’t tell Ken about this, but you can tell your boss about Billy whoring in our strip club while he had his fiancé.  I tried to help him with his impotence problem.  But he was still having trouble,” explained Emma.

                “No shit?” asked Junior while looking down at his crotch.

                “Oh please, Jesus, please don’t let my penis fail,” prayed Jack to himself.

                “The way I figure it, you boys have twenty more years before you start your Viagra juice journeys,” said Larry from behind the group. 

                “Speak for yourself, Larry,” said Emma. 

                “But don’t worry, boys.  You can now download a trusty app on your cell phone, answer a few chat questions, then presto mailbox-o, Viagra at your doorstep, just like ordering a pizza, praise Jesus!” said Larry.

              

                “Sweet Larry and his technological wisdom,” Emma rolled her eyes.

                “Yea, and I even graduated with your husband.  How about that?” said Larry with a smile.

                “Goodnight, Larry,” said Emma, leaving to go inside her home. 

                Their great and wise landlord, Larry, killed whatever buzz the group had.

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The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 5

 

            Every fourth of July for the past ten years, Watermania and Pirate’s Plunge have a friendly contest for public relations and marketing bragging rights; it's a lifeguard team relay race.  Watermania hosted last year’s event, so it was Pirate’s Plunge's turn to host this summer’s event.  Tammy said Pirate’s Plunge was cheating, and she vowed to expose Blackbeard Billy and his dirty band for their corruption.  Blackbeard Billy was the mascot and general manager.  Tammy hadn’t been able to surface any evidence proving Blackbeard Billy was cheating.  But to make matters worse, a colossal Pirate’s Plunge billboard sign was erected just on the outskirts of Omaha that featured Blackbeard Billy’s laughing face. 

“Tammy’s worried it could hurt Watermania’s profit margin,”  Jack told Junior while each one was lying in their own bed in their shared bedroom.         

“No shit?” asked Junior.

“That’s what Camilla said.”

“Shit is deep.”

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

“Guys, I have something to show you,” said Emma from outside the door.

“What is it?” asked Junior.

Emma walked into the bedroom and showed them a comedic music video clip on Tik Tok of Jack with a massive wedgie.  It was apparent that Jack did not know someone was recording him.

“Holy Shit!” said Jack, taking Emma’s phone and inspecting the video as it looped repeatedly.

“It’s already got 12,000 views!” said Junior.

“You guys need to report this,” said Emma.

“Fuck, my life is ruined.  How am I going to get laid now?”

“Seriously?” asked Emma

“Wait, what? I’m in it too?” Junior recognized his backside in another tricky Tik Tok music clip.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say someone has it out for you two,” said Emma.

“Fuck Watermania,” said Jack.

“Dude, we need to tell Tammy about this,” said Junior.

“She ain’t gonna do shit!”

“What if it’s those Pirates?”

“Who the hell is following us around and recording our backside whenever we have a wedgie?” asked Jack.

“Don’t you guys have security or something at the park?” asked Emma.

“The Moose!” said Junior.

“Fuck, I don’t want to deal with that guy,” said Jack wallowing in his self-pity.

“Well, okay, you boys can take it from here,” said Emma making her departure.

“C’mon, bro, it ain’t right what they’re doing to us,” explained Junior.

“Fine,” said a muffled Jack hiding his head under a pillow, “My future as a forty-year-old virgin is becoming more obvious now.”

“Dude, we are going to figure this out, don’t you worry,” said Junior taking charge, ready to step up to the plate.  He knew his best friend needed him. 

When Jack and Junior showed Tammy the Tik Tok videos the next day, she nodded as if she already saw them, “Sorry about that, guys.  It looks like you two have been caught in somebody’s twisted and sadistic scheme.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?” asked Junior

“Nothing,” replied Tammy.

“Nothing?  Oh my god, my life is ruined,” said Jack.

“We got no proof who is responsible.  Just a handful of made-up Tik Tokers.  They could all belong to the same guy.  We don’t know who it is just yet,” said Tammy.

“What if it’s Blackbeard Billy and his Pirates?” asked Junior.

“Billy?  Might.”

“What can you tell us about Billy, Tammy?” asked Jack.

“Well, I don’t know.  How loyal are you?  Can I trust you?”

Jack and Junior were getting excited as if Tammy was about to tell them something juicy.    

“Why don’t you boys take the day off tomorrow and pay Pirate’s Plunge a little visit?  See if you can find out anything.  Will you boys do that for me?  And it will be my treat,” said Tammy smiling.

“You mean spy on Pirate’s Plunge?” asked Jack.

“We can do that,” said Junior.

“And, you can take as many video clips as you want of their park; you don’t work for them,” said Tammy. 

“Doesn’t sound that hard,” said Jack. 

“Have fun, boys,” said Tammy leaving them to get back to work.

“YES!  This is, like, 007 shit!” Junior was even more excited about going on a secret mission.     

“Or 21-Jump Street,” said Jack.

“We got to have, like, some kind of plan.”

“Plan?  Why don’t we just go have some fun?” asked Jack.

“We need a cover.”

“Let’s take Emma and the baby.”

“Good thinking.  They would never suspect a family is infiltrating Pirate’s Plunge.”

“Sure,” said Jack apprehensively.  He was a little more reserved than Junior about their secret trip and wasn’t sure what to expect.  He knew he had to be on his guard if they visited the enemy’s territory. 

 Back at home, Emma, Ken, and Luna were about to eat dinner when Jack and Junior walked through the front door.  Ken was still fuming over the mess they had created at the factory but didn’t want to make a scene in front of Emma and Luna.

“I hear you boys got jobs at the waterpark.  How’s that going?” asked Ken.  When the boys sat at the table, Jack got an eye smack of baby food, followed by Luna chuckling. 

“Luna, stop that,” said Emma.

“It’s going good, Ken,” said Junior. 

“Well, I hate to admit it, but I’m kinda proud of you, Junior; you found a job all by yourself, considering Jujutsu Jerk-off here,” said Ken.  A spoonful of baby food hit Junior on his cheek.

“Dude, why do you have to be hard on us?” asked Junior.

“It seems you don’t get it, so let me explain it to you, little brother: While our parents are banging it out in Vegas as empty nesters, my job here has become to push you down so hard and so low, and make you feel like slimy explosive dogshit coming out of the crack of a whore’s ass, that one day you might just wake up to do something with your pathetic piss-ant so-called life, that you are going to give that prostitute called Passion the blow-job she deserves, to get the fuck out and show me a thing or two, that you can and will be somebody other than a trailer-park resident.  Otherwise, I would be a shitty brother just letting you be complacent and letting you turn into some homeless drug addict giving Jujutsu Joker here a blow job for money.”

“I think I get it,” said Junior.

“Well, it’s about dam time,” said Ken, stuffing food in his face.

“Ask her, dude,” said Jack to Junior under his breath.

“Ask what?” asked Ken.

“We were wondering if Emma and Luna would like to go to Pirate’s Plunge with us tomorrow?” asked Junior, wiping food off his face.

“Pirate’s Plunge?  Isn’t that in Des Moines?” asked Emma.

“A little corporate spy game?  I get it.  Why don’t we all go tomorrow?  I could use a little family bonding,” said Ken.

“I love it when you get all, family gorilla man,” said Emma jumping in Ken’s lap.

“I knew you would,” said Ken to Emma, preparing for a lap dance. 

Junior and Jack were getting uncomfortable with the scene unfolding and got up to leave the table.

“Dude, we need to hurry and find another place to live,” said Jack.

“No shit,” said Junior.

“HEY!  Can one of you boys put some music on?” yelled Ken as they walked away.  Luna kept throwing food at the boys and giggled in the process. 

 

Pirate’s Plunge Waterpark was designed to look like the ultimate pirate party palace with twisty and curvy black water slides, heavily decorated with numerous pirate-themed plaster statues, skull and crossbones motifs, and fake treasures galore enticing every customer about to walk through its entrance.  Ken led the way from the parking lot holding Luna in his arms, followed by Emma in her string bikini.  Jack and Junior lingered behind them as if they were embarrassed to be seen, but Jack quickly remembered to get his cell phone and recorded video shots of the front entrance while Junior pointing out the surveillance cameras. 

“Dude, do a trick or something,” said Jack.

“What?” asked Junior.

“Smoke screen, dude, can’t make it look so obvious.”

Junior was just about to do a cartwheel when Ken jumped in and put him in a headlock for the video shot Jack was taking, “Did you get that, Jack?  You should put that on Tik Tok,” laughed Ken.

Emma waved to all of them from the ticket counter and signaled that it was time to go inside the park, the entrance was shaped in the form of a giant skull with its mouth open.  As each patron went through the white skeletal jaws, they handed a hot blond babe ticket-taker in a pirate costume their ticket.  Jack and Junior looked unhappy, especially compared to Ken and Emma.  But they managed to force a smile and got through the pirate jaws of plunder.  

Junior noticed the hot blond ticket-taker from behind and pointed her to Jack, he liked what he saw.  But, as they inched closer to the babe, Jack noticed her facial hair, Adam’s apple, and manly frame with the name tag that said, “Barbie.”  He motioned to Junior to take another look.  When Junior handed the blond babe his ticket, he realized his folly and dreaded facing Jack at that point, not wanting to say anything. 

“Heeeeey, th’ailor boys, ready to ride in my pirate ship?” asked Barbie in a masculine voice.  It was apparent that she liked Junior.

“He is,” said Jack pushing on Junior.

“Shut up, bro,” stammered Junior.

“Go get your cherry popped, bro; it’s a new age in America these days,”

“Shut up, Jack!”

“If you want to experiment, go for it, just not with me,” said Jack laughing.

Junior was getting angry and stormed off away from Jack.

“Awww, c’mon, Junior,” Jack called after him and wanted to explain it was a joke.  But he hurt Junior’s feelings and decided not to press the issue. 

“See you boys around,” said Barbie watching them walk away. 

Standing nearby was a cheerfully cute Asian mermaid.  But when she saw Jack and Junior, her smile turned to disgust as if she knew them from somewhere.  She quickly moved towards a sign that said “security” on it and followed the direction it pointed towards. 

 Ken was like a kid in a candy store, rushing through lines for the water slides, barreling down on air tubes, and causing a commotion whenever the line moved a little too slow.  It was embarrassing for Junior and Jack to want to be around him.  So, they would ditch him in line and move to another water slide on the other side of the park while taking video snippets of the park and its pirate employees under the guise of a Tik Tok dance-off.  However, ditching Ken didn’t last for long because Jack and Junior would always cross paths with Ken again, down at the other end of some water slide with Ken photo-bombing their Tik Tok scene.  

“Dude, why is your brother so annoying?  He’s going to blow our cover,” said Jack.

“I’ll go talk to Emma,” said Junior.

“Meet me at the snack bar when you’re done; I need to prevent myself from getting sunstroke,” said Jack.

While Jack found a shady spot by the snack bar, Junior made his way toward the kiddy pools but was suddenly stopped by a cute little Asian mermaid.  She tripped on her costume tail and fell right in front of Junior.  Junior could not help but catch the cute mermaid in his arms. 

“Oh, my gawwwd, I can’t believe you caught me!” she said.

“Are you all right?” asked Junior.

“Do you know what they do here when you catch a mermaid?” she asked, smiling.

“No.  What?”

“You will now be handsomely rewarded.”

“With what, a kiss?” asked Junior getting excited.

“Well, it’s a secret.  And you must carry me all the way there,” she said.

“Just show me the way,” said an eager Junior, unaware of the trick that was being played.  So, he heaved the cute mermaid into his arms and disappeared behind a water mist, pirate music, constructed palm trees, and blue-tube waterslides.    

Jack was getting impatient when he noticed that too much time had passed without Junior and was annoyed that he might have been ditched.  He found Emma with Luna and saw Ken busy sliding down the water slides, but still no Junior.  “Where the hell did he go?” thought Jack, searching all over.  He thought he would lose his mind when out of nowhere, a cute little Asian mermaid tripped on her costume tail right in front of him.  He couldn’t help but catch her in his arms. 

“Oh, my gawwwd, I can’t believe you caught me!” she said.

“Are you okay?” asked Jack.

“I think so.  Hey, do you know what they do around here when you rescue a mermaid?” she asked, smiling.

“No.  What?”

“You will now be handsomely rewarded,” she said.

“Not right now; I need to find my buddy,” said Jack. 

Looking disappointed, she said, “Fine.  But can you at least carry me to the nurse’s station?”

Jack sighed, annoyed as if he didn’t want to help her, but he finally gave in, “Where is it?”

After she pointed to a clearing behind some water mist and constructed palm trees, Jack picked up the little mermaid and disappeared from everyone’s site.     

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