Did You Hear About Pickleball?

 

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The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Final Chapter 10

 

        A significant amount of social media buzz was circulating around the two tame towns and three dueling lifeguard teams.  Both customers and employees were duking it out over Twitter, Instagram, and Tik Tok, creating kooky campaign slogans and pretty body-painted waterpark bikinis.  Everyone was paying attention except for Jack.  Thanks to Camilla, he almost forgot all about his Tik Tok addiction, realizing that there were more important things than filtered make-up jobs in a thirty-second dance routine.  So, it would be no surprise that Pirate’s Plunge was bulging with patrons for the 4th of July relay contest and celebration.  

Blackbeard Billy was beaming with pride because he knew he had already won the contest.  However, Tammy was not, although she had Billy’s ex-girlfriend on her side.  So, in a way, she felt like she won too.  Both sat in a special booth overlooking the relay race at Pirate’s Plunge with Simon smiling.    

“May the best man win,” smiled Simon to Tammy.

Tammy looked at her girlfriend and replied, “I already have.”

Overlooking the starting line with all teams in position, Billy announced with a bullhorn, “On your marks… get ready…”  

POP!

The race was on!  Thousands of cell phones recorded every inch of the race in motion, with every team member pushing even harder than the one before them through water chutes and lazy rivers.  Watermania was in the lead at first, then Parks & Recs, and then Pirate’s Plunge.  Nobody could really tell who was going to win; the overcrowded park filled with cheering fans almost bulged out of control.  But Junior was high up on a lifeguard tower and could see the entire park from his view.  He caught a glimpse of Ariel in her pretty little mermaid costume twinkling in the sun.  Then he noticed her twin sister following close behind her.  

Thinking no one was watching them, Ariel and her sister climbed underneath a water chute and hid below it.  They were getting ready to punk the next lifeguard in the Parks & Recs team so he tripped a fell to his knees, giving Pirate’s Plunge the advantage and leading the race.  Junior couldn’t believe his eyes!  He had to act quickly or his buddy would get caught up in their cheating madness.  So down the tower, he went, zig-zagging in between big-busted bikinis and old man speedos.  Unfortunately, his Spiderman-like approach was not well-liked, and with one hefty push, Junior was sent flying to the ground.      

If Junior did not get to Ariel and her sister in time, then the Watermania team would come in dead last with Jack struggling to the finish line.  With badly scraped and bloodied knees, Junior pushed forward.  He screamed, “ARIEL!”

Ariel looked all around her, not sure if someone called out her name or if it was a screaming kid.  But then Junior crashed into her lap, breathing heavily and not able to speak.  She looked at the blood trickling down his legs which made her melt.  Ariel and her sister’s attention darted from the race as each cradled a part of Junior.

“Please, Ariel, let the race go,” said Junior.

Ariel’s eyes swelled up with tears, with her twin following her emotional cries.  

“We are so fired,” said Ariel.      

        Chad was about to win the last leg of the relay race with Jack following close behind him.  But as soon as Jack reached Chad, a tall-legged tanned lifeguard from the Parks & Recs team came leaping into view.  He was a dreamy heartthrob that made all the women cheer.  This guy was proud of being a lifeguard and his spirit showed it.  Chad almost stumbled when the lifeguard passed him, giving Junior a chance to pass Chad too.  All three were gunning for the finish line, and the spectators were going nuts.  This was it!  Whoever won the race would achieve ultimate bragging rights for being the best lifeguard crew this summer.  

        Tammy and Billy were standing on the edge of their watch station.  But Simon was smiling smugly behind them.  He knew he had the best lifeguards.    

        “Where did you get that handsome devil?” asked Tammy.

        “He’s an Olympic Champion,” replied Simon.

        “You cheated!” said Billy.

        “And he works as a Lifeguard for Parks & Recs,” said Simon.

        “That’s not cheating,” said Tammy disappointed, sitting down from the harsh blow.

        “That’s exactly right,” said Simon watching his Lifeguard win the race.  

         Tammy prepared herself so the blow of losing was not that bad, congratulating Simon in a good sportsman-like way.

“Congrats, Simon, you earned it,” said Tammy. 

“Couldn’t cheat your way out of this one, could you, Tammy?” laughed Billy.

“You got it all wrong, Billy, I didn’t cheat.”

“Oh really?” 

“Yes, really.”

“Well, I got a video from last year’s race that would suggest otherwise.”

“Then I think I deserve to see it.”

“It’s coming right up,” said Billy waving to one of his security guards.   

Tammy watched the secret video of her paying money to the pirate member who had a bandaged ankle and commented, “You have got to be kidding me.”

“A-Ha! Caught you red-handed.”

“No, you caught me paying the guy to help with his medical expenses since you don’t have medical insurance.  Besides, the guy got hurt at my park last year, so of course, I wanted to help him out.”

“Is that what was going on?”

“This is about your ex, and you know it.”

“You stole her!” said Billy getting upset.  

Tammy leaned in really close so no one could hear her, “She knew about the strip club, Billy.  She caught you cheating.”

“Wh… why didn’t she say anything?  I could have quite…”

“And you were… um… impotent.”

“THERE’S GODDAM VIAGARA!” yelled Billy, suddenly realizing that he was drawing unwanted attention from the people around them.

“Billy, Simon won the contest not me, so let’s celebrate.  I hear you got a good fireworks show,” said Tammy smiling.

Billy sat down in his seat, dumbfounded by what Tammy had just told him, “Yeah, sure.”  

Sitting in his team’s tent in total apathy, Jack felt sorry for himself after losing the race, “Why did I even bother?” 

“You’re not serious, are you?” asked Camilla.

“You don’t want to be with a total loser, Camilla,” said Jack.

“Let me show you something.”  Camilla got her cell phone and played a Tik Tok video highlighting his before and after training body.  The caption read, “From zero to a hero body, new lifeguard training at Watermania.”  They saw it had over thirty thousand views, with “like” hearts blazing.  

“According to Tik Tok, you’re not a loser.”

Jack never saw himself looking like that before, and he immediately brightened up.  Camilla gave him a big hug and said, “Let’s celebrate.”

When the fireworks started popping up in the night sky, the crowd was filled with ooo’s and aww’s.  Jack had his arms around Camilla and noticed Junior walking towards them with bloody knees, a shit-eating grin on his face, and two twin Asian mermaids on each arm.  

“Dude, what happened to you?” asked Jack.

“The Asian Invasion, that’s what,” replied Junior.  Finally, he was not a virgin anymore.       

        In the days that followed, Watermania’s ticket sales soared, and Lifeguard applications were piling in for the following year.  Camilla showed Tammy the Tik Tok videos of Jack and the contest and how the PR actually helped their profit margin.  Tammy was inspired and decided to hatch a new advertising plan involving more of Jack on Tik Tok, with the help of his best bud, Junior.

But when summer ended and the park was shut down for the season, Moose helped Jack and Junior get jobs working as mall security.  Ken was even more proud of his little brother, finally doing something with his life and having some pride in his mall security uniform.  So, Ken got the boys in their security uniforms for a family photo opp.  Unfortunately, nobody noticed Larry photobombing them, jerking off in the background.  Thank gawd his penis still worked.        

- THE END - 

The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 9

 

Playing with the dingy plaster pirate skull in Tammy’s office was Simon, his mind filled with thoughts of the past surrounding him, Tammy, and Billy.  He remembered when they were new lifeguards on the same team, watching out for young children at the local parks and recs pool.  Then he was saddened at their present, all playing on opposite sides.      

“Simon, I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” said Tammy walking into her office.

“Hello, Tammy. It’s nice to see you too,” Simon responded.

“Look, Simon, if you’re here to rehash the past then I’m sorry.  I wanted to tell you but…”

Simon cut her off, “No Tammy, that’s not why I’m here.”

Tammy perked up then asked, “It’s not?”

“I want in.”

“In?  Well, okay, do you have a resume?”

“I want in on the competition you and Billy are having.”

Tammy laughed and said, “This is a waterpark competition, Simon.”

“I thought it was a lifeguard competition?  And you know the Parks and Recs has great Lifeguards that are very worthy of this competition.  You should know.”

“Okay, okay, I hear what you’re saying.  But we have to ask Billy.”

“So?  Get him on the phone, I’ll ask him myself.”

Tammy was quick to dial Billy’s number, getting him on the speaker, and he seemed a little perplexed at the little reunion.  But after contemplating the idea of having a third lifeguard team enter their little relay competition, he gave it a thumbs up.  After all, they needed a little boost to their competitive spirit.  So why not? 

After the phone call, Simon left Tammy’s office with a renewed sense of purpose, something exciting for his small-time lifeguard team, and a perfect public relations campaign for his social media channels.  However, Tammy was not entirely enthused with mountains of old lifeguard memories clouding all around her, struggling with her own identity and opposite-sex work relationships.  Simon was the unfortunate fool that helped her realize she was gay and preferred to be with a woman.  She knew he hated her after that, which made their work environment very unpleasant, no matter how many smiling kids and happy laughs surrounded them.  She almost hated being a lifeguard.  But then a young Billy was hired, and she took him under her wing like a little brother, teaching him the lifeguard ropes at the pool.  She was proud to watch him grow up and be the mascot for Pirate’s Plunge, eventually running the waterpark.  Then life happened, pinning Billy against Tammy, with Simon now caught up in the middle.  It was a fantastic turn of events that will hopefully find some resolve coming this fourth of July.          

It was a tense situation at Pirate’s Plunge, now with three opposing teams trumping through training around one waterpark, but it was necessary.  Blackbeard Billy did not want to have any tricks during the contest since he was against cheating of any kind.  All teams from Watermania, Pirate’s Plunge, and Parks 'n' Recs were able to familiarize themselves with the contest relay course by going through water slides, down water chutes, swimming around the lazy river, and then body surfing in the mini wave pool.  Unfortunately, nobody planned on Chad now leading the Pirate’s Plunge Lifeguard relay team.  Pirate’s Plunge clearly had the winning ball in their court, making Jack nervous and doubtful.  “Reporting this to Tammy is not going to be easy,” thought Camilla. 

                While Jack was getting familiar with the course with his teammates, Junior stood by, thinking about the pirate prison he knew all too well, suckered by that mermaid harpee.     

“Heeeeey there, th’ailor boy.  Are you ready to plunge my pirate ship?” asked a familiar masculine voice from Barbie.

“Back off, banshee, this one is mine,” said an Asian mermaid.

“You better watch it, little miss awkward Ariel. I just might scratch your eyeballs out,” Barbie said as she hissed and walked away.

“Uh, thanks?” said Junior, unsure what to make of this new situation. 

“Sorry about the last time you were here.  No hard feelings?” said Ariel smiling with sad puppy eyes.

“I guess you had a job to do,” replied Junior.

“Can we start over?  My name is Ariel, by the way.”

“Actually, I think you still owe me a kiss.”   

 Ariel looked Jack up and down and got real close, cupping his entire man package with one hand, “You know about Asian women, right?”

Junior was taken by surprise and just stood there, fear of getting his penis ripped from off his body.

“Once you go Asian, there’s no stopping the invasion.”

Instant boner.  Junior was helpless against Ariel, who could feel Junior’s penis growing inside her hand.  She smiled and let go, “You better be here for the contest next week.”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Junior in a squeaky voice.  Then he breathed a sigh of relief when she left.  What did she mean?  Was he going to get lucky next week at the contest?  And what type of invasion was she exactly talking about?  He was too much of a virgin for this shit, for sure.  But he loved a woman taking charge, even though she was from the enemy water park.  Junior quickly glanced around to see if anyone was watching and then decided to keep this second-chance encounter to himself.  He went over to the snack pavilion and decided to treat himself with some ice cream, sitting down at the tables next to other people.  He could overhear a group of girls in the middle of a conversation, “I can’t believe we got Billy’s nephew on the team now!  We are totally going to spank Watermania.”         

“Yea, like, Chad is shit-hot.  Have you seen him on Instagram?”

“Those waterpukes in Omaha had no idea who he was.”

“I just love those videos he made on Tik Tok.”

“Yea, right?  Who wants to get caught with a wedgie, especially on Tik Tok?”

Junior got a real bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and couldn’t wait to leave to go back home. 

Back at Watermania, Tammy, Camilla, Junior, and the rest of the relay team huddled around a Pirate’s Plunge map.  They were going over the course details with Tammy when Camilla told her the bad news about Chad and whom he was related to, “Sorry, Tammy.”   

                “Well, anybody got any ideas of how we can win this thing?”

                “We got Jack, Tammy, I believe in him,” said Camilla reassuring.

                Tammy cracked a fake smile, “We got one more week till showtime, kids.  I know you will all give it your best.  You can all go home now and get some rest.”

                “Um, Tammy, can I talk to you?” asked Jack.

                “Sure, kid.  What’s up?”

                “It’s about that bonus, do you mind?  We got rent due.”

                “I did promise you, didn’t I?”  Tammy dug in her pocket but stopped to say, “You boys are doing really good, and I am very proud of you and Junior.  I just hope the both of you are happy here?”

                “Happy?” asked Jack.

                “Yea, y’know, that you two like being here and that you want to be here?  Because when I was your age, it took me a while before I felt really good about doing any kind of job, especially as a lifeguard.  But then I realized it wasn’t so much about the actual job; it was more about my mindset and attitude about working.  Changed my attitude, changed my viewpoint.  Then I started loving it.”

                “What was it that you loved the most about your work?” asked Jack.

                “The kids, that they needed me to help them survive,” said Tammy. 

                Jack contemplated Tammy’s wisdom for a moment when she said with a twinkle in her eye, “Win that race, Jack, and you’ll get an even bigger bonus!”  

Stay tuned for the final chapter coming next Friday, June 30th!

The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 8

     Word quickly spread around Watermania that Chad had secret video-recording sunglasses and that he got fired.  All the lifeguards were on edge because they had just lost their winning lead right before the waterpark relay contest.  So, Tammy held a special all-hands meeting after the waterpark had shut down for the day.

“It was with the deepest regret that we had to let Chad go.  He was found to have a video recording device hidden in his sunglasses.  And as we are all aware of the policy, we do not allow video recording of any kind while you are on duty at this waterpark.”

                Intermingled with the unhappy crowd were Jack and Junior, listening to Tammy’s speech.  Jack was watching Camilla as she stood on one side of Tammy; Moose was on her other side.  

                “I need a leader to step up and take Chad’s place for this contest.  Who would like to volunteer?” asked Tammy.  Camilla looked around the crowd expecting several hands to rise.  Unfortunately, no one wanted to volunteer.  Then Camilla spotted Jack and gave him a smile.  Jack responded with a little wave.

                “A-ha!  Way to volunteer, Jack.  Come forward so we can all see who this brave soul is,” said Tammy smiling.

                “What?  Wait, no, I didn’t…” stammered Jack.

                Junior pushed him forward to the front of the crowd, “Go on dude, Jujutsu Jack-knife the shit out of that contest; you can do it!” encouraged Junior.      

                “There must be some mistake. I didn’t volunteer,” said Jack.

                Tammy leaned close to Jack so only he could hear her, “Kid, if you lead the team in this contest, then you will get a nice fat bonus; I can promise you that.” 

                Camilla chimed in, “Jack, I’ll help you; we got the team.  All we need is to get you trained and ready for the contest.  You can do this!”

                “SO WHAT D’YA SAY, WATERMANIA?  ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE PIRATE’S PLUNGE?!” yelled Tammy to the crowd.

                The crowd yelled back, “YEAH!” and cheered with new-found enthusiasm.  

                Camilla kissed Jack on the cheek and told him to be ready for training the next morning.    

Tammy and Moose watched the crowd leave for the day before having their own conversation.

“I knew it was that fuck-stick!” said Moose.

“You were right,” said Tammy.

“DAMM, that just pisses me the hell off!”

“I know.”

“My sixth sense was just kicking up a storm!”

“And you finally got him.”

“NAILED that son-of-bitch, sunglass model, my ass.”

“And now we’re going to lose even more.  GAWD!  I’m getting so tired of being suckered by a pretty face.”

“You’re not talking about the contest, are you?” asked Moose.

“Of course I am; we just lost our best guy!”

“What about the kid?”

“Who, Jack?  He’s a wimp.  We’re going to need a marketing miracle to recover from our losses.”

“Can’t you hire a new lifeguard manager?”

“Not enough time, maybe next year.”

Unbeknownst to Tammy and Moose, Camilla was listening from around the corner and was starting to feel slightly sorry for Jack.  She didn’t want him to lose.  So she was even more bound and determined to train Jack so he could lead a winning waterpark relay team. 

 

Never mess with a woman on a mission, especially when a man is involved in an estrogen-filled Watermania tirade.  That’s vagina power, and Camilla was ready to take responsibility so she could use it.  Camilla, now on her newfound mission, was eagerly waiting for Jack to arrive at work.  She was going to work that boy from top to bottom and most likely in between her thighs.  However, she was clever not to tell anyone about it.    

As Junior drove into Watermania’s parking lot, Jack spotted Camilla and was getting anxious about this new turn of events.  Junior could sense his buddy’s feelings and reassured him that he was in good hands, feeling a little sad that their dynamic duo was being sacrificed.  Right before he met with Camilla, Jack gave Junior the ever-so-popular bromance hug-out.    

“You got this,” said Junior. 

“Ready?” asked Camilla to Jack.  Jack nodded his head in silence and followed his new training coach. 

Jack told her, “I have a confession; I’ve never been in sports.”

“Really?” questioned Camilla.  She could feel her grasp around his balls getting tighter, and this was it.  This was her moment to create a new hero, a new winner, and it was up to her to train him, mold him, and devirginize him.  She carefully crept closer to his face and whispered, “What else have you never done?”

Instant boner.  Jack suddenly got embarrassed, but Camilla smiled and said confidently, “I think you like me, Jack.  Good, because I like you too, and I want to make a winner out of you.”   

Jack turned into putty in Camilla’s hands, and they both knew it.  He was being pushed to the brink, which made it even easier for Camilla to push Jack for the next seven days: lifting weights, running against other lifeguards, jumping over water chute obstacles, and jumping in and out of water floaties.  Jack’s determination and his sweaty muscular aroma was turning Camilla on, getting seduced by the very virgin whose cherry she wanted to pop.  It wouldn’t be long before Camilla’s zealous passion and her estrogen-raging menstrual cycle would take control, pushing her into totally seducing Jack in a very hot steamy shower after an evening of training.  They both wanted it.  So, there was no stopping this cherry poppin’.

“Fuckin' hornballs,” commented Moose as he watched his security monitor displaying the two getting their freak on in the men’s employee showers of Watermania.  Now feeling sorry for himself, Moose opened a drawer, found a porn magazine, and went into his Batman bathroom to jerk himself off.                

Later that night after the two lovebirds parted ways, Jack entered his home with a glowing smile, and Junior could sense it. 

“Holy shit,” said Junior, “You just got popped, didn’t you?”

“I did,” admitted Jack.

“Well, it’s about goddam time!” said Ken laid back in his faded and overly used Lazy-boy recliner.

“Guys, c’mon, the baby,” said Emma, covering Luna’s ears with her hands and sweeping her up to take her into the back bedroom.

“Well?  Bust out some beers, let’s chug ‘em down, we got a reason to celebrate!” said Ken.

“I can’t, still in training, and I need to get up early,” said Jack on his way to his bedroom.

“Training?  Running a marathon or something?” asked Ken.

“He’s getting ready for the relay contest we're having against Pirate’s Plunge,” explained Junior as he followed Jack to the bedroom.

Ken was left sitting by himself, lost in his own thoughts.  He wasn’t sure what to make of the boys.  Turning down a chance to drink a beer and celebrate?  When Emma returned, he said, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the boys are acting like mature adults.”

“I told you they would; just gotta give them some room,” said Emma.

“That reminds me, need to collect on the rent.”

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

Junior opened the door to find Ken standing right in front of him.

“I hate to bust this evening glory, but it’s time to collect on the rent, boys, y’know how Larry is,” said Ken.

Jack and Junior dug around for cash from various hiding spots around their room and handed it over to Ken who immediately counted the bills.  “There seems to be a few bones missing here, fellas,” said Ken.

“I can get it tomorrow,” said Jack, “Tammy said I would get a bonus.”

“Then I’ll be expecting the rest tomorrow night on account that you two are acting more responsibly,” said Ken leaving.

“Dude, Jack, you have to tell me all the juicy details.  What was it like?” asked Junior.

Jack laid back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, entranced by the memory of a steamy hot wet shower, “It was… magical.”

“Aww, man, you are so lucky,” Jack said, caught up in his perverted imagination. 

“You’ll get your chance soon,” said Junior.

“What?  Oh, no worries, I already got it,” lied Junior.

“Sure you did,” Jack knew Junior was lying.  But he didn’t want to press it any further.  So, he changed the subject, “The team is going to Pirate’s Plunge tomorrow to get familiar with the relay course.  Want to come with us?”

“Tammy said it was okay?” 

“Camilla will get the okay.”

Junior sat back on his bed and stared at the ceiling, “I’m in.”

Stay tuned for chapter 9 coming next Friday, June 23rd!