Advice for 2021

 

Every family has one, a kooky Aunt that has an interesting way of explaining life with their own philosophies and a twisted sense of humor.  

So listen here, kids, as we gather together in a family circle and look towards the future.  Your dear Aunt Memphis advises, "Just shit moving forward."  

Ode to Drinking Beer

 

Ode to Drinking Beer Through the Ages... 

Drinking beer in your 20's, 

you beer-pong-it a plenty.

Drinking beer in your 30's, 

you turn into a dirty birdie.

Drinking beer in your 40's, 

may turn you a little corny.

Drinking beer in your 50's, 

you'll wander like a gypsy.

Drinking beer in your 60's, 

can be a little tricky.

Drinking beer in your 70's, 

watch out for longevity.

Drinking beer in your 80's, 

have fun with the ladies.

Drinking beer in your 90's, 

you reached the almighty.

Drinking beer in your 100's, 

it's official, you're a drunkard!

When To Take a Bathroom Break

 

Can you imagine being the President of the United States and while you are in the middle of giving a public speech, your stomach twists and knarls with this inside gassy fart, slowly making it's way through your intestines and right towards your butt-hole.  No matter how hard you squeeze your butt-cheeks to keep it from coming out, gas just plops and poops right on out and right in the middle of the most serious speech you will ever give in the history of your entire life!  

Now what if you were some evil bad guy about to make a serious underground devil type of deal?  Could you put everything on hold for a bathroom break?  Hey, shit does happen.  So let this be the lesson coming into this next new year:  make sure all your gassy problems are thoroughly solved before making deals with the devil, or any Darth Vader speeches, or when you are in the middle of casting a spell.

Thank you!