December 14, 2020

The (Not-Really) Narrative Nativity Story...

Let me make one thing clear: my Mother diagnosed be with having a bi-polar disorder back in 2001.  And a mother is always right, never argue with your mother.  With that being said I thought I would make her proud by working for a church, y'know, to work my light side more.  However, when I decided to take a Master Class in Comedy my dark side started coming out ESPECIALLY when one of the comedy homework assignments was to "make lists" of certain things like: everything that makes me mad, and everything that I think is wrong with myself, or everything I think is wrong with the world, and things I wish I could change about my personality.  Now don't get me wrong, I think it's a good start.  But, when you plug in a vampire-witch alter ego from Mexico named Memphis, trying to write a list, she created this ultra-cleverly type of topic to actually write a list for: 

The top 5 reasons why my church should NOT fire me for leading this double life if they find out about it...

  • Reason #1 - I am the next best Jesus Christ Superstar in my attention-getting costume, especially since Christmas is coming up!  I mean, why not?
  • Reason #2 - I can prevent any spells from being casted on our Church's parishioners, like the next best guard dog.  Therefore I am the savior of my church.
  • Reason #3 - Have you seen the movie, "Twilight?"  Well I have that same magnetic personality which would bring more people into our church.  I do have attention getting skills.
  • Reason #4 - Speaking of guard dogs, I can fight evil with my evil considering I am actually a rebel of the dark side, coming into the light.  I came from the dark side, I know the dark side, therefore I can fight the dark side with my dark side.
  • Reason #5 - I can conjure up the dead and find out where in the f*k is the Garden of Eden, as well as many other Bible mysteries yet to be solved.  They can point us in the right direction with the help of my magical powers.  Memphis solves the bible puzzles! So you see, it pays to have a vampire-witch in your corner (wink-wink).