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My Secret Matrix - Part 1

on June 12, 2020

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Watch out for the Gossip Goop!

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Vice President Shit

This one is for women only....

The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 1

I t’s a tantalizing social media toy that tweens to twenty-year-olds are using today: TikTok. With hot chicks decked out in slut bomb brigades, and mediocre dudes dancing like dicks gone wild, Tik Tok has become America’s number-one social media choice, carefree and without any real restraints. But beware the surmounting Tik Tok tricksters as unsuspecting viewers are caught up in their fancy editing demises, audiences fooled to believe in glorified filtered make-up jobs and karaoke car flashes fueled by two-bit careless comedy wannabees as if they were the real thing. Jujutsu Jack was addicted to Tik Tok, constantly scrolling through one-minute dancing hot chicks and this summer season’s waterpark babes caught on video with buns of steel bikini wedgies. He often imagined himself in one of those videos, grabbing viewers’ attention from anywhere, and he thought it would be a great way to meet girls considering his luck in getting a girlfriend was obsolete. Even though the twe

The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 2

On the road and headed back home, Junior was driving a beat-up nineties blue Yugo while Jack sat in the passenger seat, both in apathy over losing their jobs. They didn’t notice going by bright neon flag banners surrounding the local waterpark announcing the summer season’s grand opening and a huge white banner that had “JOB FAIR” in bold red letters. “Man, I can’t believe we got shit-canned from the shit factory,” said Jack. “Sorry, dude,” said Junior. “I’m not. We’ve been turd trainees for two years, and I want a new job.” “Where, in the oblivious and overlooked Omaha, Nebraska? There’s nothing here, just Raison Bran, TV dinners, and the Missouri River.” Jack noticed a highway sign highlighting the Henry Doorly Zoo in the distance, “Let’s get jobs at the zoo!” “You want to shovel more shit, Jack? Because that’s all they do,” said Junior. “No shit?”

The Adventures of Jujutsu Jack and Ford Junior - Chapter 3

W atermania Waterpark was an absolute summer dream for every mid-western Omaha kid looking to let loose during the summer. With colorful typhoon water towers, blue hurricane hill slides, the ultimate giant wave pool, and clear chlorine-smelling vapors, Tik Tokers flocked to this significant amusement attraction, eager to upload their next best viral video. It was also a significant target for another water park competitor in Des Moines, Iowa, interestingly called “The Pirate’s Plunge.” Bright yellow tents and transportable tables took up temporary residence in the parking lot of Watermania for the job fair on a bright sunny day. Excited job hunters filled out applications and gave them to the employment coordinators for quick screenings, a few questions, then told to wait for a second round. Tammy, the Human Resources and General Manager of the park, scanned the motley bunch filling out applications, checking out who was in the top physical c

VIDEO: When to Use Toilet Paper

Lots of crap these days...

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